Why Won’t Banks Lend Money To Porn Stars?

Looking down your nose at someone can be quite dangerous.

When they look up, they’ll see the confused hairs inside your nostrils and perhaps even the detritus of an imperfect sneeze.

When you act superior, you’ll likely reveal something about yourself that isn’t so edifying.

You’ll remind the object of your contempt that you might have areas that are none too pretty.

This is something that porn stars understand. Banks, not so much.

You’ll rarely meet a porn star who offers moral judgment on those who are beneath her.

Banks, on the other hand, are all too ready to declare you trustworthy or not, loanworthy or not. They appear, however, to be extending their snootiness to areas of morality.

As NBC News reports, some banks believe porn stars shouldn’t get loans. They are invoking their sense of morality, as they ask porn stars to turn on their heels and scram.

Please feel free to reach for your breath at this point. I understand that it might have temporarily escaped to an island far away, on hearing that banks are wrapping themselves in the chastity belt of morality.

I am sure that you, too, can imagine that certain bank executives would invoke Jesus, as they wash their hands of the flesh-barers and threesomeists.

Yes, the same Jesus who drove the money-lenders out of the temple.

They don’t do it publicly, however. Porn star Chantal Preston offered that one bank suggested her recently-opened bank account had privately told her she had “compliance issues.”

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I understand she’d never been accused of having an issue with compliance before. But then someone at the bank discovered her Webcam performances.

Relations between those in the very legal business of pornography and the sometimes less legal business of banking have become so pained that the founder of a porn studio, Marc Greenberg is suing JP Morgan Chase.

He claims “moral reasons” were cited for his bank refusing to proceed with the refinancing an existing loan.

It seems that the problem is related only to porn stars’ business accounts. Not many personal accounts are opened in names such as “Lexi Belle” or ‘Hanging Chad.”

Banks are, indeed, free to do business with whomsoever they choose.

But after the utter world debacle brought about by those who work in money, it’s a touch painful that banks still think of themselves as upstanding.

If they can trade off a Madoff, surely they can lend to someone who bends.

Your relationship with a porn star is surely more moral than that with your bank.

Banks only admit to faking it after they’ve been found out. Porn stars, on the other hand, put their bodies on the line every day.

Where banks seem to have no clue on the subject, a porn star has an intimate understanding of risk.

Where banks will give at 1 percent and offer it back as a loan at 6 percent, a porn star thinks about giving first and taking only if you enjoyed it.

A bank claiming the moral high ground is like Iceland claiming the Seychelles.

It’s like a hippopotamus claiming mastery over the quickstep.

It’s like Lance Armstrong claiming he was set up.

Perhaps banks think that by invoking morality they will somehow look a little more comely in the eyes of a jaded people.

Little do they realize that there are few left who think of them as anything other than money-grabbing operations.

In fact, if I were to go to my local branch and discover that my bank manager used to be a porn star, I would feel as if I was in slightly more moral hands.

At least I’d know that there might be some give and take.

 

Image: FederalStudentAid/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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