Why The Royal Baby Is More Interesting Than ‘Game Of Thrones’

The excitement over Kanye of Cambridge escapes me a little.

Oh, you’re not aware that this is the name of the newest member of the British Royal Family?

Surely, it must be a finalist. Along with Tom Richard Harry Windsor, no doubt.

Even when I lived in England, I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.

Until, that is, I realized that this was one of Britain’s last remaining gifts to the world.

Gone are the colonies and the habits they imposed.

Farewell to archaic concepts such as “fair play’ — which the British invented to cover up for the fact that they weren’t interested in playing fair at all. They just wanted you to.

What remains are the Windsors, an interesting collection of German-Greek-Brits who became the basis for all soap operas since.

When you think of the Kardashians, you know that they are a mere pale imitation of what happens in British royal circles.

While the British royals have worked very cleverly to suggest they really aren’t as important as all that, the Kardashians have worked just as cleverly to insist that they are the American equivalent and even more important than all that.

Isn't she lovely? Or, at least, nice?

Isn’t she lovely? Or, at least, nice?

A public appearance here, a scandal there, a divorce over in the distance and a baby of uncertain provenance being muttered about in some dark corner, and you have all the ingredients for a 21st century saga.

Some say the British royal family remains interesting because it’s a vestige of a powerful moment in history.

Little girls and boys and brought up to believe in Kings and Queens. These people represent absolutes to which we all should somehow aspire.

Modern royals have been extremely adept at dismissing such absolutes, while enjoying the privileges associated with being a member of the family.

There’s nothing bad about being able to get into every nightclub and being invited to every event on this whole Earth.

Save, perhaps, for the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. (The royals would ruin the brand.)

And yet many supposed republicans — those who scoff at the very notion of royalty, rather than those who think government should consist of one office you call when your house catches fire — sneer at the royal family.

These are many of the same people, I fancy, who adore “Game Of Thrones.”

For them, “Game Of Thrones” is art, whereas the royal family is media fodder and fantasy for the plebs.

Yet, really, is there much difference?

I have watched several episodes of “Game Of Thrones.” They all seem to be rehashes of bygone stories about people who are largely unlovable trying to attain things that are largely not worth it.

In any case, once they get these things, thousands of people will want to sever their heads with a rudimentary butcher’s knife in order to possess it.

People in corporations claim that it is a beautiful rendition of their own lives every day. Save for the murder, pillaging, gratuitous physical torture and orgies.

Well, certainly the first two, anyway.

We’re supposed to delight in all the intrigue, the obsession, the subterfuge and the slaughter.

And yet, dear intellectuals and corporate types, isn’t the royal baby the ultimate result of “Game Of Thrones”?

When you’re tired of the murdering and scheming, when you realize how much it all takes out of you, it’s so much better to merely be a soap opera star.

It’s so much easier to get up every morning and have a life of privilege that doesn’t entail having to enact power.

Yes, it means that sometimes a sad photographer will try and take a photograph of your naked breasts.

But you can dedicate yourself to enthusiasms — be they the curing of sick children or propagating the sad myth that England is still good at soccer.

The lovely thing for royal families is that they don’t even have to audition. They are chosen by birth, as if every possible Ripken will always play baseball and every possible Jordan will grace the NBA.

They have a few dull parties to go to, but ultimately they try and make ordinary people feel a little better.

They visit hospitals, open official buildings and make endearing speeches at Christmas about how people should be nice to each other.

Oh, one or two might be caught in naked Vegas parties or fraternizing with a non-spousal bedmate.

But, in the end, they’re far nicer people that most of the animalistic personages on “Game Of Thrones.”

And yet the clever people adore the latter.

Which says a lot about clever people, perhaps.


Image: ABC News/YouTube  Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk