Waffle House Employee Tries Perfect April Fool’s: Report A Robbery

The past few weeks have been hard for those who aren’t normally required to use their imaginations.

From best friends to employees of Google, the gruesome grind required to create the perfect April Fool’s ruse has affected mental states and marriages alike.

What if someone finds out in advance? Worse, what if someone guesses?

There are few things worse in life than humorous interruptus.

You might be of a mind that Google, given that it offered at least 15 different April Fool’s jokes, must have been the world champion of April 1.

You might, quite rightly, be especially impressed with the two very presentable hosts who have been reading the nominees for best YouTube video — nominees that seem to include very YouTube video ever made.

(Oh, didn’t you know? YouTube was just a best video competition. It’s closing down today.)

There is, though, one greater April Fool’s joke that happened today.

This one involved not merely great humor, but enormous daring.

It’s easy enough, you see, to create non-existent products and create other silly scares that will be propagated by the Web’s mindless hordes.

It’s quite another to make your April Fool’s joke happen in an utterly realistic way, so that the object of the joke thinks that it is very, very real indeed.

That’s why the true winner of April Fool’s Day is Susan Alexandria Tinker.


This 20-year-old tinkered, I imagine, for the longest time, trying to decide what April Fool’s joke  might beat all others, in terms of scope and imagination.

Tinker’s job is not an easy one. She works at the Waffle House in Hampton, Va. She has to be at work early. She must often smell of waffles.

Today, though, she is alleged to have used her early time with uncannily good intentions.

As NBC News reports, Tinker stands accused of committing a jape that will go down in the lexicon of laughter.

She allegedly called the police and said the Waffle House had been robbed.

It seems that she offered details of the five robbers who had apparently got up before 6 a.m. to riffle through, one imagines, the waffles and wallets of those inside.

What must have felt very uplifting — at least, for a short time — was that the police were entirely taken in by this subtle humor.

Such a phone call must have involved as much planning as gumption. It must have required a steady voice and a steely countenance. There must have been an enormous sense of reward.

An investigation was immediately sparked. Police dogs were called in to sniff out the miscreants. Neighbors were interviewed.

Oh, one can only imagine how the alleged joker herself was feeling.

Until, that was, police reviewed surveillance footage from the Waffle House.

There, they found what to them was indisputable (and, as yet unspecified) evidence that Tinker had attempted to tailor her call to the date in question.

The police issued a media release stating with an entirely humorless hand that the call was a “fabrication in celebration of April Fool’s Day.”

Now, at least in theory, Tinker might get 12 months in the clinker.

Jokes can, indeed, backfire. They can incite unintended reactions and consequences. There are people who are ravingly humorless.

Some might conceive, though, that what is so impressive about Tinker’s alleged jest is that reactions, consequences and humorlessness may not have played on her mind at all.

She went on stage and she told her joke.

I wonder if the crowd is still laughing.