I’m supposed to dislike Miley Cyrus.
I know this because she appeared on some award show on Sunday night and by Monday everyone was saying I should dislike her.
Actually, by Sunday night, those who had watched in New York were already madly tweeting like Jesus clearing the temple of tradesmen.
They were Oh-My-Godding and Bless-My-Souling as if she’d stripped off to her underwear on national television.
Which, actually, she had.
But not to the point of distaste. Just to the point of “Oh, you’re 20 and you’d like us to think you’re sexy, I see.”
This was utterly standard behavior for a 20-year-old American women. Doesn’t anyone in America remember “Girls Gone Wild”?
This was “Girl Gone PG-13ish.”
There were a few suggestive gestures. There were some odd poses with a foam finger. And there was Miley pointing her thickest parts toward Robin Thicke.
For this we’re supposed to deride her? Mika Brzezinski — who is a traitor to her Polish nation as she rightly is Mika Brzezinska — mused that Cyrus’s gyrations were “disturbing.” Not only that, but “disgusting” and “pathetic.”
Surely not. The media’s prostrate reaction to so many political events might certainly deserve those words.
Twerk it, Miley.
But a very wealthy 20-year-old trying to attract a little attention by mimicking the raunch she’s seen in other people’s music videos? No, that’s merely growing pains.
“She clearly disturbed,” offered Brzezinska, who, unbeknownst to many, seems to have got her postdoctoral degree in psychiatry in her spare time.
Many watching MSNBC, Fox and other cable networks might have had similar thoughts about the likes of Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann and Glenn Beck for example.
What was truly disturbing was the media offering up a picture of Will Smith’s family — rumored to be Scientologists, which some might feel to be very disturbed indeed — staring aghast at Cyrus’s performance.
Only later in the day did it emerge that the picture was taken while they were watching Lady Gaga.
Which surely suggests a media veering from disturbed to positively gaga, googoo and gone fishing.
We’re so fond of ascribing madness to others and so reluctant to diagnose ourselves.
“I must have been mad!” we occasionally shriek, reminiscing about a past choice of lover or a weekend trip to Fresno.
We weren’t good enough to know it at the time, but we claim to be good enough to see it in Miley Cyrus.
If Miley Cyrus wants to twerk it up with very large teddy bears, who are we to stop her?
We have done worse. The only difference is that MTV chose not to air it live.
We’ve cavorted with strangers in kitchens, with our pants around our ankles. We’ve stubbed out cigarettes on our own stomachs. We’ve mounted cars at three in the morning and sung the greatest hits of Tina Turner.
When I say “we,” I of course mean “you.”
And yet the likes of Mika Boudicca feels she can sit in judgment on someone who’s been Disneyfied at an early age and would merely, dearly love to be something else.
Miley, if you want to twerk in public wearing a fetching, if beige, two-piece underwear set, be my guest.
In fact, please, be my guest.
My house is open to you and your fellow twerkers.
At heart, this isn’t about Miley Cyrus being disgusting. It’s about America’s long and tortured battle with sex.
For too many Americans, guns are sexy and sex is dirty.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if it was the other way around?
Image: MTV Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk