Palin Proves Why Republicans Are Confusing And Confused

Republicans ought to be more democratic than Democrats.

They’re always quicker to wrap themselves in America.

When they utter the words “We, The People,” they always know they are talking about themselves first.

If they could get the flag designers to create all their clothes, they would.

They are and feel America, right at their core.

But what’s odd when they get together in groups is that, all too often, America annoys the hell out of them.

So many of the Republican speakers at this week’s Conservative Political Action Conference sounded mad as hell and afraid they’d have to take more.

They were angry that President Obama had won and Mitt Romney had lost.

They were angry that Mitt Romney hadn’t really been one of them. Which means a gun-totin’, conservative Republican, rather than a competent American.

But they were angry most of all that America didn’t agree with them.

While they foamed and fulminated, Americans had gone out and voted for all sorts of things that the CPAC faithful loathe, like health care and free will for women.

When it came to America last November, the CPACkers just couldn’t see what really happened and they came to their conference packing.

Sarah Palin, quite naturally, called the President a liar and even accused him of offering reality television.

Which was a little odd coming from a person who, the minute she became famous, signed up for a reality TV series.

Here’s how desperate it was: Palin was reduced to making a joke about her breasts. That’s what The Real Housewives of Alaska would do.

The best the Republicans have managed to muster is that the President bribed the electorate. As if promising to do things that might make people more money was such a novel form of prestidigitation.

Republicans used to be so sure that they represented the American majority, even if they sometimes lost.



Republican values were always American values, while Democratic values were superficial frippery with their roots in some sort of soft European socialism and bright Italian suits.

Usually, when Republicans lost it was because their candidate wasn’t charming enough and the Democrats had a Clinton or a Kennedy, whom women (and quite a few men) found sexy.

Now, suddenly, there’s the frightening possibility that the Democrats actually represent the way the majority of America thinks.

Here’s how bad it’s got: Sarah Palin wants to make friends with people who actually, consciously disagree with her.

It’s as if she’s finally discovered that these people exist beyond the peculiar (Tina) fey intellectuals who speak for the Democrats.

She told CPAC: “We must share our powerful message of freedom and liberty to all citizens, even those who may disagree on some issues, because there is solid, common ground in fighting against government overreach and for independence. And those who may disagree with us on some issues, they’re not our enemies. They’re our sisters and our brothers; our neighbors and our friends.”

You see, before we didn’t need to explain anything to anyone. Everyone knew that freedom and liberty were everything and they’d only get that from us. Now, it seems that people are actually against freedom and liberty. How can that be?

The Republicans’ juxtaposition of Free (Republican) versus Stinking Socialist Eurodrip Slave (Democrat) seems to come from watching Spartacus one too many times.

One of the many reasons why a genuine majority voted for the Democrats is that they’re scared the Republicans don’t represent freedom at all.

They’re scared that the world is imploding, the economy is less secure than a Carnival cruise and that wars are being invented against enemies that don’t really exist, which tends to mean a lot of spent money and lives — and no additional freedoms at all.

They’re scared, at heart, that too many Republicans drift between the myopia and insanity normally associated with Bond villains.

What’s odd is that too many Republicans seem to scream that everyone else is myopic and insane.

Which is, of course, the first sign that something in their heads might be a trifle askew.

Palin explained, as politely as she was unable, that the Declaration of Independence made it very clear that all men are created equal.

“There are no Hispanic issues or African-American issues or women’s issues; there are only American issues,” she said.

In her head, she must have thought that this was an all-embracing message, one that those who disagree with her would love to hug.

Instead, the truth is that there are Hispanic issues (immigration). There are African-American issues (poverty, racism). And there are women’s issues (if you believe in freedom, leave my body alone).

And when these groups listen to Sarah Palin, they don’t hear a united message. They hear her telling them to stop being Hispanic, African-American or female and to buckle down, buy a gun and agree with Sarah Palin.

This impression is slightly reinforced when Ann Coulter jokes that if immigration reform passes, the Republicans will never win again.

What happened last November wasn’t so much that everyone adored the Democrats. It’s that too many people disagreed with, feared and were slightly appalled by the Republicans.

When the likes of Sarah Palin, who bathes in a certainty they don’t even serve at the Ritz, suddenly wants to perform outreach to her enemies, then you know there’s an identity crisis.

Still, she claimed that the Democrats want to “take away the good guys’ freedom.”

What she doesn’t seem to quite grasp is that most people think they’re good guys.

Most people just want a safe, enjoyable and heart-warming life.

And most people think that freedom is precisely what the current Republicans threaten.