McDonald’s Finds A Way To Get Rid Of Kids: Opera

I know teenagers have their place.

It’s just generally not my place. Or any place that I enjoy being on a regular basis.

Of course there are nice teenagers. But they tend to get less nice when they’re in a group.

Then, the decibel level rises, the quality of intellectual conversation dips and the sense of profound nihilism and inertia plagues everything in the vicinity.

This is a feeling one McDonald’s in Australia seems to understand.

The Mt. Annan McDonald’s, just outside Sydney, finds itself assailed most nights with hordes of loitering teens who have less purpose than a Chia Pet.

These Greasy, Gleeful wannabees congregate around the parking lot and discuss trousers and hairdressing till one day becomes the next.

They hang there, because they hang there, just like hairs from the nose of a middle-aged bank manager.



How, though, can you tell them to move along? How can you persuade them that there are finer parking lots in the city that would be more conducive to their attempts to change the world?

How can you make it so that your parking lot is full of cars, rather than boys in plastic biker jackets and girls chewing gum?

This McDonald’s has decided on attempting to scatter them with an aria.

It has begun to play opera through its loud speakers. Through its LOUD speakers.

As the Telegraph reports, the store’s operations manager, Matthew Watson, believes the scheme has a soaring chance of living.

He said: “We’ve noticed a reduction in the number of young people hanging around, but we’ll have to reassess it properly in a couple of weeks.”

This particular McDonalds’ Facebook page is a veritable symphony of movement.

One poster helpfully explains: “I don’t think it’s meant to drive everyone away, just the turds who hang around at night.”

Yes, it saves a visit from the sanitation department.

I wonder, though, whether this tactic will ultimately work.

It seems clear that music in fast food joints isn’t merely being played for the customers. It’s there to keep the staff of young, aimless, underpaid future civil servants somehow amused.

It’s there to offer them an inner soundtrack, while they have to put up with screaming children, half-witted, indecisive parents and nasty, paranoid sports teams on their way back from yet another defeat.

How long will the McDonald’s employees bear having their culture challenged and their wits assailed? How long before they take their flick-knives and hard heads to the loudspeakers?

I foresee a protest movement of young McDonald’s employees constantly humming Katy Perry songs in order to have the opera killed off.

On the other hand, just imagine if more people gravitated to eat some prime McRib, just because the atmosphere had become classier.

Could there be a finer reason to raise one’s prices than opera?


Image: Kiki Gonzalez/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk