Man Tries To Rob Gun Store With Baseball Bat (Strikes Out)

I had always imagined that many robberies are better planned than most weddings.

The joint is cased, the timings are worked out to perfection and the take is cut at the end of the proceedings.

Sometimes, though, robbers are either desperate, bored or astoundingly trusting in their makers.

For they eschew planning in favor of, well, the exciting act itself.

This act of malice without aforethought tends to turn out about as well as most early morning weddings between drunken people at a Vegas chapel.

I bring you the tale of Derrick Mosley. He is 22-years-old and he clearly knows where the money is.

The gun store in question.

The gun store in question.

Indeed, according to KATU-TV, the Oregon resident allegedly decided to rob a gun store.

Guns are quite popular things. They are quite easy to buy. They represent a certain core of Americana that most countries can only aspire to.

The thing is that gun stores are full of, well, guns. So if you intend to rob one of them, it’s as well to have, say, a bazooka alongside you. Or at least a Second Amendment-sanctioned local militia.

Mosley, however, thought he could achieve his goal with the mere accompaniment of a baseball bat.

Police say he wandered into Discount Gun Sales in Beaverton, Oregon and took the bat to one of the very tempting display cases.

Unfortunately — at least for him — he hadn’t factored in the concept that gun store owners tend to be, well, armed. Well-armed, indeed.

He surely can’t have been overly stunned when the store owner pulled his weapon and suggested Mosley drop his.

I cannot believe the calculation took too many seconds.

Police say that by the time they arrived at the gun store, Mosley was prostrate and defeated.

But, at least, not shot.

This gun store owner may have stood his ground, but he clearly didn’t feel the need to discharge anything more than, one suspects, a lot of invective and a little ridicule.

Mosley has had accusations of all sorts of terrible crimes discharged upon him by the authorities.

I fear any hopes of a baseball career might also have passed.

Coming to the plate wielding an AK-47 would surely be a bench-clearing offense.