Man Orders Most Disgustingly Expensive Starbucks Drink Ever

Records are made to be broken.

But so, one could say, are hearts, limbs and psyches.

You just have to assess what value a breakage might actually have. Is it worth, for example, using subterfuge, torture or a at least a crowbar to achieve your aim?

For some, it is.

In the case of Beau Chevassus, there is a clearly a large value attached to the joy of publicity in not merely breaking a record, but smashing it to the Outer Urals.

Who could criticize him for that?

On the other hand, some might care to line up with a barb or two when they hear of what he has become world champion.

For Chevassus decided to celebrate his 27th birthday by ordering the most expensive Starbucks drink ever.

In this he was assisted — nay, enabled — by the staff at his local Starbucks in Washington State.

However, it somehow feels inadequate to the point of mendaciousness to merely describe his order as the most expensive Starbucks drink ever.

For it was surely the most stomach-turningly disgusting — and, some would say, quintessentially American — Starbucks drink ever.

Here it is.

Here it is.

Chevassus decided to make 40 shots of espresso the foundation for his Mocha Frappuccino. His enabler whipped that up to 48. Well, it was his birthday.

But then he needed to up the stakes. He needed to (Star)buck the trend of anyone who ever thought they could order something vaguely complex in Starbucks so as to make them look cool — or at least a resident of San Francisco.

So he chucked in seemingly everything that Starbucks can possibly offer the entirely non-discerning, un-health conscious customer.

He asked for soy mocha drizzle, protein powder, caramel brulee topping, strawberries, two bananas, caramel drizzle, frappuccino chips and vanilla bean.

I am astounded he didn’t ask for, say, a chunk of green apron, some droppings from a cranberry-orange scone or one of the knobs from the espresso machine to be tossed in too.

You might imagine that a vente cup might not have sufficed for all these goodies, even though he described the drink as a Vente Quadriginoctuple Frap.

Helpfully, Chevassus brought along his own large mug, into which the potential for killing him outright was summarily poured.

King 5 News reported that this mug held 52 ounces of goodness. Or, depending on your perspective, utter suicidalness.

There will be some relief at the fact that Chevassus didn’t pay the $47.30 that this cocktail would normally cost.

Because it was his birthday, he got the drink for free.

However, this hasn’t prevented him for receiving all sorts of opprobrium from people who, for some odd reason, found his initiative nauseating.

He answered his critics in the comments section of YouTube, perhaps the bravest place to attempt to justify anything.

Chevassus wrote: “Man, you should see the flame threads going on over at MSN and the Huffington Post! (I think they missed the point completely, but curious how they didn’t get angry over a fellow putting a new iPhone in a blender) Oh well, such is the internet’s nature, and I thank God there exists someone with a similarly eccentric personality out there.”

Indeed, in a country that sometimes (often) prides itself on the glory of excess, how could people not see that this was a sly social commentary on the twisted belief that more is always better?

Please, look at the video. He only took one sip.

It may be that he gave the rest to charity.

Just in case, I dutifully scoured the Washington State police reports, in case any homeless people were suddenly found dead of caffeine poisoning.

I could find none.



Image: Beau Chevassus/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk






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