Chicago Bears quarterback proves romance is still alive

For many people, the moment of a marriage proposal is one they never forget.

Especially the first marriage proposal.

Who hasn’t wriggled and wept at stories of bended knees, rings hidden in chocolate cakes and speeches made in iambic pentameter?

You might have imagined you had heard it all. You might have thought that the human strain of creativity could no longer conceive of a new engagement balloon ride, a new sixty-foot banner pulled along by a plane or a new live-dub proposal dance performed by 50 of your closest friends.

But you hadn’t counted on Jay Cutler, had you?

This eminently creative quarterback of the Chicago Bears is a man among men, a prince above royalty, the sort for whom only a white horse and shining armor would do.

Should you have been busily counting your nasal hairs and trying to give them all names over the past year, you might not be aware that Cutler has a rather famous girlfriend by the name of Kristin Cavallari.

She is famous for having appeared in a reality show that may not have been quite real — which is rare for a reality show.

However, she performed creditably on “Dancing With The Stars,” which certainly enhanced her credibility in my rosy spectacles.

I had always wondered what she might see in Cutler, who has occasionally presented himself as a slightly difficult character.

A man who champions love.

A man who champions love.

Indeed, Cavallari and Cutler had been engaged in 2011, before a troubling gust seems to have thrown them off the road more traveled.

Still, they reconciled. They have a child, too. So when E! Online invited me to bathe in the news that they would finally be married, I sought out my best and only suit, just in case I was invited.

And yet, the more I read of the news, the more my eyes began to water uncontrollably.

For a question was posed as to how the great quarterback had proposed. This time.

Might he have strung together a vast offensive line of humanity in the middle of the Chateau Marmont, climbed on top of it and sung a little Bing Crosby?

Might he have whisked her off to Paris, taken her to the top of the Eiffel Tower and gone down on his knee in front of bemused tourists, as he attempted to propose in the French equivalent of Michael Bloomberg’s Spanish?

Might he at the very least have booked a wonderful table at a restaurant, expressed his undivided commitment and secreted the ring in a bowl of caviar?

Oh, no. He did far better than that.

I will leave it to Cavallari’s breathless re-telling to E!Online: “It was so silly. I was in the airport, leaving Chicago. We had just spent however many days together and we were texting and somehow it came up, like, ‘Oh, shall we get married?’ We’re like, ‘Yeah, OK.’ And then he sent my ring in the mail. So I actually had my ring sitting at home for a couple of weeks before I put it on.”

Yes, it seems that Jay Cutler showed his absolute solidarity with the postal workers of America, who are about to lose their entitlement to deliver the mail on a Saturday.

There is something about marrying a man who puts social issues above himself. Or you, for that matter.

Here is a man who knew that the ultimate way to his woman’s heart was not through the pocketbook, the heart or the stomach, but through the mailbox.

Never again can the Chicago Bears fans accuse Cutler of mailing it in, without being absolutely clear that this is a compliment.

 

Image: Impress3/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk

 

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